Dating a sex addict relationship advice
She described her addiction as “having sex with people I would not have lunch with” and “sitting and obsessing and fantasizing and making up scenarios in these big complex romantic fantasies.”Riley thinks her sex addiction flew under the radar in part because society sort of expects—if not outright encourages—obsessive relationship behavior in women.After all, it appears frequently in rom-coms and pop songs, she says."I believed that that was all I was good for."Throughout her 20s, she assumed other straight women were reacting or feeling the way she did with men and that “all that guys would want from me” was sex.So she used sex as “a tool,” in her words, to keep men close to her.Addiction is a brain disease, and the illness is in control.“The experience of the addict is way more about the letdown than the high,” says Riley.Men with sex addiction are more inclined to “just want to have sex and then move on” as opposed to becoming entwined in the emotional aspects of the relationship, Hudson explains, but sex addicts of both genders need continuous hits of attention and affection—women just go about it more privately.
Sexualizing every relationship “frequently happens if you don’t have good boundaries and you learn that sex is love,” Hudson explains.
The trouble was, De Guzman chose men who couldn’t or wouldn’t commit to her.
When she got to the place where she felt suicidal over the guy who wouldn’t text back, “I wanted crumbs from guys at that point.”It’s a story that sounds familiar to Lee Riley*, a 60-something woman (she declined to share her exact age, preferring to identify as “old enough to know better”) living in Los Angeles who is also a sex addict.
Male sex addicts are more likely to pursue commercial sex, explains Hudson, so they’ll turn to massage parlors, strip clubs, or online relationships to get their fix.
Often, they don’t get caught until they do something illegal and/or incredibly stupid (paging Anthony Weiner), which makes the sex addict tabloid stereotype all the more salacious.
But for de Guzman, who was in the throes of love and sex addiction at the time, not getting a response from an “unavailable” man lead her perilously close to suicide.“That was my first moment seeing that I had really become unwell,” the 33-year-old from Los Angeles recalls.