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26-Feb-2020 11:02

(Presumably Taccone, another third of the Lonely Island comedic trio.) His face is bearded and his hair is slightly rumpled and only one of his sleeves is rolled. pic.twitter.com/P5v1Awl Dgr— The Lonely Island (@thelonelyisland) April 11, 2019? See: This photo oozes horny from its every pore and yet I am hard-pressed to say why, exactly, it excites such widespread and unadulterated passion. But if I may presume to throw in my own two cents, it’s the chaotic good that gets me, too.

All these disparate details, unremarkable on their own, come together to form a distinctly horny whole. You caught me just as I was about to watch a new hashtag brooklyn99 tonight on NBC. How to distill down the essence of its horndog-inducing powers? I cannot claim to be immune to this photo’s charms, and as best I can tell, it’s the whiff of casual mischief emanating from an alert, interested face that gets me.

Trump himself is all id, a collection of urges and appetites increasingly unbounded not only from the constraints of conscience and moral duty, but also from any moderating, mediating intelligence.

We know this, but we err when we say he has “remade” conservativism in his own image, because that suggests a deliberate act, rather than the explosive accident that freed conservativism from its few self-imposed restraints and rigors.

His inside-the-Beltway reputation for gray-suited moral rectitude and very deliberate self-presentation as the face of restrained public-servant sobriety made him an ideal candidate for a sexual sting operation.

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Turning Elizabeth Warren into some kind of superannuated Samantha Jones is just silly.He and Wohl had also very briefly attempted to paint Pete Buttigieg as a sexual predator, before that too collapsed under the weight of disappearing “accusers” and general recrimination. On October 3 — the very next day — Wohl and Burkman, on the steps of Burkman’s own townhome at 1599 North Colonial Terrace in Arlington, Virginia, would “be joined by a former Marine who claims to have been in an ongoing sexual relationship” with one Elizabeth Warren sometime over the last year.“These charges,” the press release continued, “will shock the conscious of the nation.” Sic.Sure enough, the next morning, a TV showing a sign reading “Elizabeth Warren Cougar? Like so much of the alternative conservative universe that’s grown in the alluvium of Trumpism’s great flood — from Wohl and Burkman to Bikers for Trump to Diamond and Silk — the effort had a charming haphazardness, the quality of bad but earnest, community theater. On the driveway below, a cheap, spare-room end table — the sort of furniture you’d buy to hastily furnish your empty new apartment after a bad divorce — bore two lonely boxes of Dunkin’ Donuts. The presser was, as Trump himself might say, a mess.Wohl, who is also the youngest person ever to be banned from trading by the National Futures Association for running a sham hedge fund, and his conspiratorial accompanist, a purported lobbyist with a law degree named Jack Burkman, have spent most of the Trump administration trying, with increasing futility, to bring down the President’s enemies with fake sex scandals that owe more to the lurid but virginal imaginations of middle-school boys than to a reality where real sexual predators, from Donald Trump to the late Jeffrey Epstein, can and do actually exist.

Burkman is now best known for standing with his fly down through an entire press conference called to promote a concocted allegation of sexual misconduct against special counsel Robert Mueller.But if surviving in crisis requires the sublimation of intellect to instinct, then the conservative movement does indeed face a dilemma not of conscience, but of consciousness, as its last vestiges of intellect melt away and a horny, libidinal monster at last emerges fully from the depths.Last week, a Customs and Border Patrol officer named Kiara Cervantes rocketed to social media fame after she was photographed staffing Vice President Mike Pence’s July 12 tour of a “sweltering, foul-smelling and overcrowded” Texas Border Patrol detention center.Don’t you think it’s weird that you are telling grown men how to live when you barely have pubes? The recent — and welcome — renaissance of socialist politics has brought with it a renewed interest in material explanations for political tendencies, and there is a sense on the socialist left that it is bad form to psychologize politics.



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